


and she's dying

by heavensenq



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:34:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavensenq/pseuds/heavensenq
Summary: yasmin khan has barely seen the universe, but her time is running out.thirteen can try to hide it all she likes, she cares far too much to tell.





	and she's dying

_Everything comes to an end. Everyone should know that, me more than anyone. But everytime they leave or they get hurt or they die, it feels like someone's chipping away at my soul with a red hot pickaxe. I remember them all, because they come to me in my dreams, my nightmares. Rose's teary face, Donna's blank one, Martha closing the door of the TARDIS and walking away. Amy and Rory's names carved on that gravestone while I screamed and cried, black smoke pouring out of Clara's mouth, Bill's tears running down the cheek of the Cyberman. I remember crying at every one, because I never learn. And I'm never allowed to. I have told myself more time than I can count, I've even sworn oaths, but they just come, just like that, and I love them. And I can't travel alone. Because no matter how big time and space is, and how many people there are in the history of the multiverse, it seems blank and grey when you have no one to share it with._

They say your life is supposed to flash before your eyes when you're dying, well maybe I am. I don't know how I'm going to cope. She's lying there, head on my lap, eyes steadily losing their life and light. And even though her fingers are turning grey, and the green veins of poison are slowly climbing up her neck, she's still smiling at me. That smile, God, that's what got me. Caught me off guard. Like the most brilliant light of ten thousand suns, captured in a vial and kept in my pocket. It's absolutely stunning. 

'Doctor-' she starts. Her voice is quiet, hoarse, and I bring my hand up to her hair, running my fingers through it. I shake my head.

'Yasmin Khan.' It hurts, in all truth. Even to say her name. I should stop acting like she's already gone, but can't help it. I've had fourteen lifetimes of this, and I've never gotten over it, not once. The saying goodbye, the grief, the pain, the sorrow. I'm not sure I want to et over it, if I'm quite honest. I lean down, kiss her forehead tenderly.

She smiles again, and so do I, though I see feel the tears fall from my eyes to her cheek. 'Oh Yaz.' I place my hand under her chin gently. It's far too cold. 'I'm so sorry.' I would spend the rest of my life with her, if I could. I should've seen this coming.

We could've got a little flat in Sheffield for when she wanted to visit her family, with a purple sofa and a television that never worked and we could've had a little girl or a little boy- or both, and we could've been happy. She would've looked stunning in a wedding dress. 

But can't waste time thinking about what could've been when she's here right now, and she's dying, and I can't do anything about it. My brain is tired and dim trying to think of how to save her but she's still half dead on my lap and I want to scream but I can't because I don't want her to be more scared than she already is. Dying is too scary to comprehend, especially when you know it's inevitable for you, so most of us just block it out. I want to comfort her, I want to kiss her, to tell her that I can save her, that everything will be alright. But I know that it won't. And I think it would be cruel to try giving her hope when she knows I would be lying. So I do the thing I've wanted to do almost since we met. For such a long time.

'Yaz..Yasmin Khan... I love you. And I'm sorry.' There's so much else I can say but my throat is closing up with pain as I reach down and kiss her quickly one last time, before her eyes still and lose their light.


End file.
